laraF's nest

For me inspiration can come from a single phrase, or a song, a smell, a strangely shaped cloud... really, that has never been a problem. Inspiration is a constant Niagara in my mind (and it has been barrelling down on it heavily, like, always). For me, writer's block, or rather the Creator's Gate as I started to call it is more about the practical step - actually making what I planned. I'm pretty sure (99.9%) that's the consequence of living in a constant state of mental illnesses battling, mild existential dread and poor RL circumstances. It is what it is. For now. It should get better sometime, right?
Right? ...

But, even in that state some inspirations come through too strongly and those are the moments I can break the barrier and actually create something. Not to sound pretentious, but usually something good. LOL


Inspirations for this piece:

a trope of major character death (of drarry) but with happy or hopeful ending from purplehotmess , one of my amazing giftees with first-class taste. Be honest here, isn't that one of the most wonderfully, heart-wrenchingly beautiful line that you ever read?
Thought so.
 
It's thanks to her I listened to this masterpiece too (which will make me grateful forever, cuz good music is usually enough for my soul to feed off of for months):


I could practically see all the pastel, dream-like visions of Drarry.
And I tried to shape them through words, too.

>>>

2021, H/D Owlpost

A gifset - or more like three gifsets and honestly, did I make these?? Holy sh*t... I remember making cute lil edits back in the day (wow, I'm getting old) but those really can't compare to what today's tech makes not just possible but easy too (not to mention the acquired experience lol). Well, I just so happen to quite like these creatures of mine, so I hope Drarry fans will find them in this endless maze of digital data, and they'll make some of you happy.


( ~ a ray of light in the darkness ~ )

( ~ christmas melancholy ~ )

( ~ urban fantasy ~ )

... as in, I feel like a floating black hole that sucks in all the unpleasant things, sometimes. Other times, there are BTS and gay dramas to make me feel again.
The worst part about these last few years is that it's hard to tackle so many dark feelings and come out clean. This, or rather LJ and Meri used to be my safe spaces - I came back to them every day, I was excited to check how many new views my fics garnered and if there was a comment, or a new chapter to my fav stories uploaded. I translated at least a few paragraphs or chapters per week and it felt so great to post them. I used to be proud of my accomplishments and creations. I used to be... not productive, no, but creative and so full of stories to tell. So full of life and desire.

I want to feel proud again. I want to feel useful and intelligent again. I want to feel less like a disposable cog in the machine worrying to death every minute of my life, not finding refuge anymore in the things I love the most.

Alive.

This helplessness, like time slipping through ones fingers... Intolerable.

So, anyway, the Harry/Draco Owlpost was like, in last year's December. And sometimes my memory is so shitty that I don't even remember what I did for certain events/fests (or what I ate in the morning lol). As I enlightened myself with the almighty power of research (if the horrendous amounts of taxes I'm paying are definitely not coming back in the form of health fucking care at least I can do this) that's the millionth sign of having ADHD ft. Depression. Note to self and or society: try to maintain a level of Democracy where Google is still available.

So, here they are ---- my works for a ~ holiday fest ~ I was very happy to participate in, by the way.

(   Happy Pride month I guess ...? :]  )

to Drarry fans - and everyone else too! Come join this lovely fest if you have the time - a highlight of the Holidays for me, even tho I only participated in it once before. Checking the amazing works under the eleven round-ups of the fest still cause me instant serotonin-boost, I sincerely recommend it. Can be a great remedy on gloomy days.

Entire years seemed to pass by me in a blur of work, erratic-bad-rare sleep and stress. Drarry feelings always bring me back to simpler, happier times. What I really want out of this Holiday season is the feeling of absolute bliss - just existing stress-free, in safety, full of wonder of the winter. Warmth.
This fest is warming up my soul even in advance.

I am working on many things right now, translations as much as fest-writings and more fics but I can hardly wait to be a part of this one too.

Sign-ups are open until the 31st ~~~

Here you can find all my fics & translations sorted by fandom, with brief summaries and links (click on the titles) :) They're gonna be added in chronological order, first ones on top, latest ones on the bottom of every fandom section. You're gonna see the language mark after the titles. Translations are labelled with the appropriate tag too. 
I hope you find something you'll like and if you do, please consider leaving a nice comment :) (fic-writing is terribly self-indulgent but from time to time we all need some outer confirmation XD)

For artworks, playlists, lyrics, word counts and more detailed info (in other words: a shiny, flippable version):



( Harry Potter )

( Fantastic Beasts )

( Teen Wolf )

( MARVEL )

( Mo Dao Zu Shi & The Untamed )



( Original )

So,

this post will be regularly updated as I progress (with bloodshot eyes an unbearable temper and lots of cursing) throughout the year.
Also, I'm in self-imposed quarantine now. I mean, I have the TIME FINALLY ASFASDG and in mere weeks I'm gonna get my finances together too (hopefully). I'm gonna quit the shitty job-cycle for good my pals.

SO, ya'll know by now that GYWO is kinda the brightly shining star in my world, chasing away dried up writer's block with all it's might and kickass check-in system.

This is the plan:

(tried to insert a progress bar, but it f*cked up the setup of the page U_U)

75 000             /                7 841
           word                                                                                                       word

Just a quick outline for myself here (so far I'm impressed with myself btw; I only wallow in misery and depression like three times out of a week, which is progress --- also, I finally got my scattered brain together and seem to be able to just sit down on my ass and write)

BJYX Echange	1 gift fic done ✔ ( + maybe one or two treats, I certainly have the time and motivation)
Valentine Exchange	huge WangXian AU WIP
One Sentence Only	ABC table, SCI snippets
'my heart in your paws'	SCI what if, with lots of pining and misunderstandings
Kívánság Üst	coming in October

 

Recommend a fannish or creative resource

...

I'm in a bit of trouble with this but may as well be honest.

getyourwordsout doesn't come as a surprise, I guess, and it's a perfectly normal and valid resource. It's for writers by writers and gives you endless tips and tricks, articles, videos - basically anything you can imagine. The monthly check-ins make sure that I motivate my sorry ass to write at least a little, even if I'd rather procrastinate away into the sunset.
It really is the best!

I'm pretty sure I recommended this too last year, but it's still one of the greatest BL resources out there - many things a BL lover would want, Yaoi Otaku Forum has. I lurk there from time to time in search of novels and mangas, but wasn't really active on it this past year.

Okay, now to the trickier part. 2019 was eaten up by Mo Dao Zu Shi on main, then Guardian and SCI. And the content on Twitter out of all places pretty much consumed 80% of my phone's memory and a huge chunk of my freetime. And it turned my account into a Xiao Zhan-Wang Yibo-Mo Dao Zu Shi all adaptations altair I religiously retweet sacrifices on. Okay, I'm in a special kind of hell, I know, but Twitter guys, Twitter. I never would've believed but my fandom is primarily over there. Yesterday I just copied my saved pics to my laptop and up into the cloud. 6200, people. Just in the aforementioned three topics.
I can't even... >----<

But the most horrifying part comes now...
WATTPAD.
HOLY F*CKING SH*T
It's because of the danmei novels, sure, most English translations I found are over there and listen, it still gives me the heebie-jeebies but I HAD TO. My sanity was on the line but now I apparently have a library full of saved chinese BL novel-translations on Wattpad. It's nice and cosy and saved me from the closed ward, I think. SO. It's a win but at the same time feels like I lost my innocence or something.


As far as
Commit an act of kindness goes...

So, I work half the time as a barista (without the papers and the payraise, mind you, but I'm just a dumb bitch like that, okay), right, and yesterday I accidentally handed a customer a huge glass of pricey fresh orange juice instead of the cheaper, smaller, bottled one he actually ordered. We smiled big time at each other, me, an innocent bystander and him, who took the offered goods with satisfaction. My colleague was handling the register and the orders and one of our superiors was there talking to us a mile a minute about some inconsequential stuff like yearly tax return or so and successfully diverted our attention. She had even pointed out that an orange juice was missing from the tray (I was serving up the cappuccino, fancy leaf in the foam and all that). So I put an orange juice there. They didn't specify.
At least the dude's day started damn fine and I didn't care either way but we laughed a lot with my colleague after.

Also, yesterday after the closing shift (that means 9.30 pm, haha) we surprised one of our other colleague with cake and fancy hand-craft beer and atrocious singing and a round of playing cards as a birthday present. It was fun and he's such a sweetie, he didn't expect it at all! (You know, this is a rambunctious group of friends made up of youngsters mainly, and we're terrible at keeping secrects... He's just so good and innocent, haha!) :D (Damn did I feel old next to him and we're only three years apart)

Also, there's one more thing I have to mention. It made my year in advance and I was in such a state after I got home at 1 am that I ranted and raved for an hour at least about how I became the luckiest person alive.
SOOO

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE COMES TO HUNGARY IN JULY. I cried and prayed and stressed and painted my eyes red and listened to their albums on loop after I accepted the fact that I couldn't go to the reunion concert in LA. And now they're coming to this puny little country and I feel like I've been blessed by Life itself.
On another but similar note. An official Comic Con will take place in Hungary for the first time this year in August. I can't even... ugly crying but happily When you can't go to San Diego, bring San Diego to your doorstep.
Thank you deities for loving me, I love you too.

This year's gonna be the best of my life so far. I just know it.

Well.

I love my life.

OMG, I WORKED A LOT THESE DAYS.
(I can't feel my legs)




( Day 7 - Toot my horn! )



( Day 8 - Reccing fanworks! )

Let's move onto

( Day 9 - Promote at least one canon that you adore )

( Day 10 - The Creator )

I think this post got a little out of hand, so I'll catch up with the remaining days tomorrow.

Peace and blessings.

Hey, this is me again, rambling on.

Challenge #6

In your own space, make a list — anything between one and ten things is a sweet spot, but don't feel constrained by that! - of things that you wish existed in fandom or elsewhere, or that you'd like someone to make for you. Are you dying for podfic of your writing? Do you need icons for a character that doesn't get much fanart? Is there a story you want to read? Are you looking for new canons to get into? Would you like a collaborator for a project?

Maybe you want more people to talk about a certain fandom with, or you'd love to trade ficlets with somebody over email. Maybe you're new to a fandom and would like some recs to start reading, or communities to join. This is the time to ask!


Wishlist. Hmmm, that's a hard one, but I'll try.

1) A great, quality translation of SCI Mystery in English, so I can read it before I learn Chinese on a sufficient level and my curiosity kills me. (It's a real risk, okay.) I watched the drama, and guys, it's a FUCKING DISASTER but I love it so much. And it ended on The Cliffhanger of All Times© 🤯 And while Season Two was confirmed some time ago - theoretically they'll start shooting this summer - anything can happen. AND IT'S TOO FAR OFF ANYWAY!!
So many feelings, so many, I'm drowning. Not even enough fic material to quench this thirst! So I guess I'd like any interaction with anyone who got sucked into this story, too. 🥺🥺🥺 That would be lovely! SCI fans out there, I hope we find each other sooner or later!

2) Guardian fanarts from the novel!!! I did search for it, I still do from time to time but it's hard to find, or I'm just not familiar with those corners of the fandom.
I mean, I love everything about the drama too, but guys. Just imagine a smoking Zhao Yunlan. Or the fairy market. Lord Kunlun under the peach trees. A young Ghost King!Shen Wei, blood dripping down his chin... Zhao Yunlan's mother beating his son with a rolling pin XDXDXD Lin Jing as a fake monk posting shitty selfies on crime scenes. Or Lin Jing as this: "After the New Years celebrations, Lin has gained weight as if he were hit by an air gun. Stroking his big fat dumpling of a chin..." Or the raging skulls at the Sky Burial Master's hut! The three Soul Fires a human has! (That's a beautiful picture, especially with one dangling from Shen Wei's neck...) Chu Shuzhi in his glorious form of a zombie, skinny, pallid skin, haunting eyes and all that. (I adore the beefcake version of the drama and maybe salivate over him a little bit and god, his acting is marvelous but the original version is just asgasdgsd. Intriguing.) Shen Wei's... questionable bedroom design (you know what I'm talking about, it's creepy but glorious).
Unfortunately I have no talent in drawing and while my imagination makes up for it most of the time, I really love (fan)art! My respect for artists is paired with a neverending wonder and hero-worship.

3) So, this may sound silly. Yeah, yeah it does but I'm a sentimental sap, so here it goes.
I love getting mail. Letters, postcards. I'm old-fashioned that way. I love fannish things. Fics, art, stickers, basically everything. I love many fandoms. And this might be overly naive, but getting some fannish mail from time to time - and prepairing and sending some - that would feel like peak existence. Life maxed out. And I know it costs money and things can get awry with the post office, or a hurricane, guerilla attacks, alien invasions, whatever. And it requires some personal informations (PO boxes and fake names nothwithstanding) which might be a big no-no for many people. Internet offers a million more - free, colorful, shiny, moving, screaming - options to surprise your fannish friends with but there is something about letters... Something warm and fuzzy and utterly joyous. Even just one fannish penpal and I'd be in heaven.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore, haha

Anyway, onto a more general list I'd wish to see:

comments - even if you just type a quick 'Good job' or 'I liked it' you boost author's  and artists mood and creativity like nothing else could! Comments are love, so please be respectful and kind with your constructive criticism :)

gifs, gifsets, icons - I'm a sucker for those (too)! Would love to see more in my preferred fandoms!


Uhm, I think that's it. All I could come up with and now I should probably go and sleep some so I could be productive tomorrow today. XD





I hope, that everyone will have at least one wish from their list fulfilled this year!
We could all use some cheering up!

In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private.


( Oh, so here comes the thing )
As far as Challenge #5 - Comment to someone you haven't ever interacted with before or introduce yourself to someone you've briefly interacted with and friend/follow them - is concerned, that's easy. It's mainly thanks to snowflake_challenge that I get to know more, amazing individuals year by year and I always feel right at home among them. (HOW was I not aware that there are many many MDZS and Guardian fans on DW????)
Thank you, my special snowflakes. Thank you so-so much!